Coisas que você deve saber se estiver em um filme de... TERROR

- Fique sempre tranquilo, o assassino vai esperar para te atacar: Se você for o(a) mocinho(a) o assassino nunca irá te atacar antes que você perceba que ele esta ali. Mesmo se ele estiver atrás de você, escondido atrás da porta ou debaixo da sua cama só vai começar a tentar te agarrar quando você olhar para ele.

- Nunca faça sexo: Se você é a loira peituda que namora o sarado e vocês fazem sexo selvagem, cuidado porque você vai morrer! Apenas as virgens, santas, morenas, inteligentes e melhores amigas das peitudas sobrevivem.

- Pra que correr?!?: Você se encontra com o assino e o que você faz?!? Corre?!? Não, você deve andar. Não vai adiantar em nada correr já que enquanto você corre o assassino anda e ainda te alcança. E mais, você vai tropeçar em uma parte do caminho.

- Contar para alguém não vai adiantar nada: Você descobre o grande mistério do filme e então resolve contar aos amigos, não vai adiantar. Eles não acreditarão em você e ainda isso fará que eles morram mais rápido.

- “Tem alguém ai?”: Você está sozinho em casa e escuta alguns ruídos, é claro que você vai ver o que é, mas no meio do caminho as luzes da casa se apagam, a melhor coisa a se fazer é sem dúvida perguntar: “Tem alguém ai?”. Se o vilão for legal ele vai te responder e ainda te chamar pra perguntar onde você guarda as facas.

- Caminhe de costas: Você esta sozinho em um corredor escuro, o vilão esta a solta na casa, a melhor maneira de encontrar com ele sem dúvida é caminhar de costas. Mas fique tranquilo, lembre da primeira dica e ficara salvo.

- Trilhas sonoras só servem para te assustar: Se você escutar BAH derrepente, mantenha a calma, trilhas sonoras só servem para te assustar, pode ser que o mal realmente esteja ali ou é só sua amiga entrando sem avisar.

- Em 1 segundo pode acontecer: Você esta escovando os dentes se abaixa para gospir e quando volta o assassino aparece no espelho. Você vai até a geladeira e abre a porta, quando fecha o assassino esta lá. Você esta na cama e se vira para colocar o relógio no criado mudo, quando volta o assassino esta lá. Em 1 segundo ele pode aparecer, fique esperto.

- Não corra para o carro: Quando o vilão está atrás de você jamais corra para o carro na tentativa de fugir, ele não ira funcionar. Talvez na quinta ou sexta vez que você tentar, quando o assassino estiver perto, mas eu não arriscaria tentar.

- Barulhos: Você esta sozinho e escuta barulho no andar de baixo, correntes ou passos. Claro que você vai lá conferir, todo mundo faz isso. Ainda mais se você for a mocinha que esta apenas de calcinha.

- Você é minoria, você vai morrer: Se você é loira, negro, boyzinho, homossexual etc, você vai morrer. Não adianta, a minoria sempre morre.

- Se você não é o principal, jogue as mãos pro alto e grite: Você faz parte da minoria e o assassino esta na sua frente, jogue as mãos pro alto e grite. Como eu disse em cima, você vai morrer, então a melhor maneira é se entregar.

- O assassino só vai morrer com apenas sobrar você e seu parceiro: Depois de toda a perseguição finalmente seu namorado que já havia sido atingido volta como se fosse Jesus e mesmo ferido mata o vilão. Final Feliz?!? Errado, os assassinos nunca morrem afinal, filmes assim fazem sucesso e eles precisam deixar algo para caso aconteça uma continuação.

Depois desse manual espero que você esteja totalmente preparado caso você acabe entrando em um filme de Terror. Boa Sorte, e cuidado!
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14 comentários :

  1. Você descreveu de forma impecável as situações repetitivas em um filme de terror, adorei!

    Um abraço!

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  2. kkkkkkkkkkkkkk muito engraçado mesmo!
    mas o que eu faço se o telefone tocar e qdo eu atender escutar só uma respiração ofegante do outro lado? um post bom assim merece uma 2ª edição com mais dicas ou 'o que fazer se você estiver numa comédia romântica' por exemplo.

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  3. Muito bom !

    Você realmente descreveu as sequências padrão dos filmes adolescentes de " terror " de uma forma dinâmica e muito engraçada.

    Valeu pela dicas, ficaremos atentos.

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    Abs

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